Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Never underestimate the power of titties
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
