My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
this just has baby written all over it
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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