yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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