No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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