She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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