i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
