No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
