you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
