I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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