Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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