One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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