he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
