...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
