I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
