Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
