So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
