He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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