call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
