Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
