When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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