i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
