guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
