i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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