Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
