I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
