Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
