People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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