so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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