I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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