One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
