I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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