Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Threesome in a minivan. New low
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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