i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
