So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
