Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
