I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
