I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
