Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I want her autograph on my taint
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
