i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
