a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
