carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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