All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
