this beer tastes like vomit already
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
two words...techno handjob
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
