Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
