If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
