i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
