why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
