He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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