Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
