I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
