Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
