your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
