I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
