apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
