i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
