proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
