I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You've changed since you got that strap on
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