I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
