Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
