did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
