I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
