All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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