Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
